BAD T-MOBILE ADS STARRING TIM TEBOW CURSE BRONCOS

“Today I am your champion, I may have won your hearts, But I know the game, You’ll forget my name, I won’t be here in another year.”
-Billy Joel, “The Entertainer”

There was a theory that if Tim Tebow were to have stayed in Denver he could have developed under the tutelage of arguably the greatest quarterback to ever play the game.  He could have learned how to disguise plays within Nebraskan cities, pick apart defenses, throw the ball where any average person can look like a superstar, and eventually end up disappointed in the end; just like the rest of us.  At least he found his place as an analyst for the B-squad on a B-network.

The 2014 Super Bowl for the 2013 season (I still haven’t figured that one out) was sub-par at best on all three levels; some being more tolerable than others.  Football fans across the nation eagerly await the big game even when their team isn’t competing; it’s an event, entertainment in the form of music, media, and sport.  It’s about fixing the mistakes of last year, overcoming hardships and impatience, and then eventually accepting the fact that a fresh start is on the horizon.  If you’re depressed, you can incorporate that philosophy into your everyday life.  Tim Tebow made the best of his situation, why can’t you?

Opera star, Renee Fleming, belted out the National Anthem for the uncultured to see how amazing someone’s vocal range can be in other genres of music.  She rivaled Jim Cornelison who starts the Blackhawks’ games in Chicago.  By the end of the day, the music was the best part of the event.

Bruno Mars surprisingly had a stunning performance for a “newbie”, surprisingly didn’t receive compensation outside of exposure, and surprisingly did sing the lyrics, “Your sex takes me to outer space,” in front of children and young adults, but everyone knows kids are starting early these days and the galactic reference makes it fun for everyone.  The Red Hot Chili Peppers danced around with their shirts off and instruments not plugged in begging the question why they were there in the first place.  It wasn’t their decision; the NFL probably didn’t want some really cool exaggerated version of a song to take up too much time.

Hendrix cityartsonline com
Photo courtesy of cityartsonline.com

But at least the power didn’t go out…

Beyonce glamour com
Photo courtesy of glamour.com

I’m glad she had a nice evil laugh about that.  That brings us to the commercials that are supposed to be funny and equally entertaining as the game was.  Well, advertisers accomplished one of those feats.  The spots are getting old; dramatic car commercials, American-based manufacturers, celebrities pushing products they probably would not be caught dead using, horrible attempts at humor, and worse attempts at being serious that turned out to be funny (in a bad way).  Honorable mentions go to: the cow, Radio Shack, Doritos’ time machine, and the Full House reunion.  I’m not sure any were worth the $4 million price tag for 30 seconds of air time though (Weisman, 2014).

And then the game…

Peyton 2 newyork cbslocal com
Photo courtesy of nycbslocal.com

We were all just as surprised as you were, Peyton.  We didn’t expect Joe Namath to come out in an obnoxious fur coat and screw up the coin toss.  Come to think of it, we would probably be more surprised if he didn’t do those things.  We all remember one of his last candid performances.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQqIQyT-RuM

So apparently defenses win championships.  The 1985 Bears, the 2000 Ravens, the 2002 Buccaneers, and now the 2013 Seahawks (Burke, 2014) all used extraordinary defensive performances to create boring games.  It was a disaster from the beginning for the Broncos: a first-play safety, a field goal drive, another field goal drive, an interception leading to a touchdown, an interception returned for a touchdown, and then it was halftime.

A kick return for a touchdown, a fumble leading to a touchdown, and then the Broncos finally sustained a drive making it a 36-8 game.  Seattle scored again later, and the final was 43-8 in favor of the Pacific Northwest’s osprey.

The game was uninteresting and over early in the third quarter when John Fox elected to punt while in Seattle territory.  This was the Super Bowl, not a preseason game to see who makes the team and not a regular season game to rest your players.  If things aren’t going your way, you need to make something happen to change that and take some risks.  However, it didn’t seem the Broncos wanted to play the game from the initial kickoff.

They are used to these blowouts in past Super Bowls though:

1978: Dallas 27 Denver 10
1987: NY Giants 39 Denver 20
1988: Washington 42 Denver 17*
1990: San Francisco 55 Denver 10
*The only other time an African-American quarterback has won the super bowl until now.  Wilson doesn’t look super black though (was that wrong to say?).  I’m surprised they didn’t focus on that more.

They won two in the late 90’s, but this isn’t about that.  Let’s focus on the team that won the game.  The truth is that it wasn’t the weather’s fault, it wasn’t Peyton’s fault, and it wasn’t anyone else’s fault.  The Broncos got outplayed by the Seahawks on offense, defense, and special teams.  Seattle was just a better team, fair and square.  They played as a team, and did almost everything correctly.  They were built on hard work, team unity, and ideology.

The Seahawks’ stars weren’t all first round draft choices or coveted players coming out of college.  Wilson was drafted in the 3rd round of 2012, Sherman went in the 5th round of 2011, Chancellor was drafted in the 5th round of 2010, and the MVP of the Super Bowl, Malcolm Smith, was a 7th round pick in 2011 (Sports Reference, 2013).

malcom smith nydailynews com
Photo courtesy of nydailynews.com

I would be happy too if I received a brand new truck and trip to Disneyworld for intercepting a pass, scoring a touchdown, recovering a fumble, and having 10 tackles (6 being unassisted).  Not a bad game at all, Mr. Smith, and not a bad game at all, Osprey.

osprey grahamowengallery com
Photo courtesy of grahamowengallery.com

It’s nice to see a franchise win their first Super Bowl, so congratulations to the Seahawks, but now they will be cheered against for years to come.  It’s time to start preparing for next year: new music acts, new marketing employees, and new teams all dedicated to making things a little more entertaining for the new season.

Millions of dollars were spent on music, millions of dollars were spent on commercials, millions of dollars were spent on player compensation, and millions of dollars were spent to make the Super Bowl a two-week event instead of a 60-minute game; and all we really wanted was some good football.

Maybe next year.

Burke, C. (2014). Retrieved from http://nfl.si.com/2014/02/04/best-defenses-super-bowl-era-seattle-seahawks/ on February 7, 2014

Sports Reference (2013). Retrieved from http://www.pro-football-reference.com/teams/sea/draft.htm on February 7, 2014

Weisman, A. (2014). Retrieved from http://www.businessinsider.com/bruno-mars-not-paid-to-perform-super-bowl-halftime-show-2014-1 on February 7, 2014

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