“It’s too bad, it’s stupid, Too late, so wrong, so long, It’s too bad that we had no time to rewind.”
-NIckelback, “Too Bad”

Great players make great plays at the exact moment when they’re needed. Two stoppage-time goals highlighted the crazy weekend in Brazil. Let’s get a move on before we run out of time.

June 20, 2014

Costa Rica 1 Italy 0: The darlings of the tournament struck again, defeating another world power on a late first half header scored by Ruiz, and catching Italy offsides a record 11 times (mostly by a frustrated Barotelli). Maybe there’s more going on in the country other than poverty and beautiful beaches. Perhaps some American-influence from all those people who go teach abroad? I mean, Ruiz’s first name is Bryan, come on. That means nothing though, what matters is that Costa Rica is officially in the second round and England is officially out of the tournament.

France 5 Switzerland 2: Well then, that was a statement game. Or maybe the Swiss just aren’t as good as their chocolate and cheese tell us. It certainly looks as if the players had a little too much of each before competing. They were slow, they were lazy, and it was embarrassing. My guess is the country didn’t really have any negative or positive feelings towards their performance. The real question is: what are they putting in the wine from France? The Frenchmen could be the team to beat in the tournament as of right now; outscoring opponents 8-2 through two games.

France bbc co uk
Photo courtesy of

Ecuador 2 Honduras 1: Honduras was able to score their first World Cup goal in the last six matches. Good for them; and as a door prize they ended up getting eliminated. Ecuador used their home-continent advantage to get a victory that sets up an intriguing week ahead. It would seem Switzerland has the easier matchup, but who knows what craziness the South Americans will do to steal a win from the French. Everyone should be very suspicious if all South American teams make it to the second round. People shouldn’t start conspiracies like that; I mean, what has Ecuador ever done to anyone? People don’t even know if it’s in South America, Central America, an island somewhere, or a city in another country.

June 21, 2014

Argentina 1 Iran 0: Messi does it again! Scoring in stoppage time on a wonderful strike! People shouldn’t get too excited about it though considering his winning goals have come against Bosnia-Herzegovina and Iran. There’s nothing wrong with those countries, they still made it to the World Cup, but it’s not like the Argentines are playing against Brazil or the Netherlands (yet, dun dun dun). The Iranians played great defense, as they did against Nigeria, but their offense struggled, as they did against Nigeria. You would think with such an attack-minded leader they would have showed some initiative. They still have a chance though, so don’t go hiding in your bomb shelters quite yet, South Americans.

Germany 2 Ghana 2: Ghana played as if they had just lost their last game to a team they shouldn’t have lost to (so they think). The Germans were a little too relaxed, and it showed. Though they scored first, the Africans answered minutes later and then took the lead. With Germany in a hole, who else but Klose comes in off the bench to tie the match; a record-tying goal at that. An overweight Ronaldo sits at home eating donuts or whatever they eat in Brazil anxiously waiting if the most goals by a player in World Cup history will be set. Muller was left bloodied after the game, so Klose may get more shots than he thought.

Muller dailymail co uk
Photo courtesy of

Nigeria 1 Bosnia-Herzegovina 0: It’s safe to say that Nigeria has provided the world with two of the most boring games of the cup. However, they could still very well advance after a controversial goal that sent Bosnia-Herzegovina back to wherever their country actually is. Middle East-Eastern Europe? Someone will look it up. Next up for Nigeria: Argentina. Man, Messi should have had like 10 goals so far with this draw. Either way, we are going to see Iran or Nigeria in the second round which is a little odd considering they only have a combined one goal through three games.

June 22, 2014

Belgium 1 Russia 0: The super subs strike again! The Belgians were supposed to be a dark horse, but the critics won’t offer many positive comments or encouragement. Here’s one: they’re only the second European team to already advance. Another: their substitutes are scoring goals. They are a deep team full of confidence and a love for chocolate. The Red Devils are on a mission. Russia, on the other hand, looks to be on a plane back to the mother country where they will probably have to go into hiding until Putin remembers he really doesn’t pay any attention to soccer. Actually, I don’t know if that’s true, I don’t know the guy.

Algeria 4 Korea Republic 2: Be honest, you didn’t even know this game was going on. Probably one of the most ignored games of the tournaments, but it shouldn’t have been. The Desert Foxes of Algeria are for real, scoring three goals during a span of 10 minutes or so in the first half. They really have a chance to make a splash in their group, if only they can get over last World’s Cup heartbreak. What a nice transition.

USA 2 Portugal 2: USA pulled off a miracle against Algeria four years ago, they pulled off a miracle against Ghana a week ago, and now Portugal has returned the favor. After a poor defensive play, the US was in an early hole. However, a masterful strike by Jones tied the game midway through the second half, and Dempsey put the Americans ahead late. Not that late though. Ronaldo, who had a relatively quiet game and a weird haircut the ladies still loved, delivered a perfect cross onto the head of Varela who buried the game-tying goal in the 5th minute of stoppage time. The latest regulation goal in World Cup history deflated the US and their fans. They’re in good position though, they just have to tie or beat an angry German team or hope an angry Ghana team ties or loses. That’s not so difficult right?

US scpr org
Photo courtesy of

Today’s Slate:
Australia vs. Spain: 12pm EST
Netherlands vs. Chile: 12pm EST
Cameroon vs. Brazil: 4pm EST
Croatia vs. Mexico: 4pm EST



  1. Great stuff! The blend of fact, humor, cynicism and provocation is both clever, refreshing, insightful and informative ….

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