REPORT FROM BRITAIN: KATE THROWS UP, REMAINS CLASSY

“I can’t get enough of you, baby.”
-Smash Mouth, “Can’t Get Enough Of You, Baby.”

People become obsessed with royalty. We love the idea of having it all: the attention, the riches, the power, and being the ultimate member of high society. Kings and queens, princes and princess, castles and knights, ignored common folk and peasants, dragons and… wait a minute? Are we talking about fantastical fiction? Nope, just Britain.

If you switch ‘Dragons’ with ‘Manchester United’ then the description of country is quite precise. The charm of past centuries still reigns with a modern twist in the form of social media and constant exposure. You know how pregnant chicks vomit in the morning (I’m so eloquent)? Well, we get to hear all about Kate’s common troubles when there are probably about ten other women on the block (not her block of course) suffering through the same issues, their story just doesn’t make the newspaper in another country.

kate news softpedia com
Photo courtesy of news.softpedia.com

Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge, is expecting the royal couple’s second child across the pond in the motherland. Prince William not only gets to deal with his wife’s pregnancy, he gets to handle all the close media attention about her health. For example: her acute morning sickness. When she was pregnant with little George, now 13 months, she was actually hospitalized for the same issue. This go around she gets to stay in the comfort of Kensington Palace, but still is bed-ridden enough not to attend prior engagements scheduled in Oxford (AP, 2014). Though it’s not rare for women to experience acute morning sickness during pregnancy, Kate is more important, prettier, richer, and nicer (no offense, ladies) and we must protect her and the future prince or princess.

I hope all the ladies out there are aware that the last sentence was meant to be sarcastic, but who knows with women (also sarcastic). I would like to quickly change the subject because the most important thing on everyone’s mind is actually the crown and not Kate’s wellbeing. Where does this new baby boy or girl rank in obtaining what Queen Elizabeth has seemed to have for the last two centuries? They will become fourth in line (AP, 2014). What does this mean? Absolutely nothing because there’s realistically no chance they will rule Britain or whatever the king or queen does. However, this does push Prince Harry down the list though. See, what did I tell you, you probably already forgot there was a Prince Harry, and the same will happen to George’s little brother or sister.

Harry express co uk
Photo courtesy of express.co.uk

Even though this all is important to the command of Britain, we still obsess about these people (what do you mean ‘these people’?) and their status in life as an entertainer, not a ruler. It’s similar to how many view President Obama. We shouldn’t care about visits to The Tonight Show or how his pickup basketball game went, or what his family is wearing on vacation; we should care if someone like Brad Pitt (or Carl L. Knauf) does that. However, there’s no privacy and we need their everyday activities and problems as much as they don’t need ours, even if they’re our leaders and not in the limelight for our entertainment. I shouldn’t have to bring up Princess Diana so I won’t, but I just did anyway. I shouldn’t have to bring up Kate throwing up like every other girl throws up when they’re pregnant, but I did anyway. We can’t get enough of it.

However, it goes along with the gig for all the future kings and queens out there.

AP (2014, September 9). British royal couple are expecting a second child. The Albuquerque Journal, p. A4

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