“Believe in all the good things, That money just can’t buy.”
-Aerosmith, “Eat The Rich”

photo courtesy of wkrg.com

Despite the confidence we all had going into Wednesday’s drawing, the certainty that we, against the 1 in 292 million odds, would be the one who was lucky enough to have their life change in an instant, only three remained victorious. Three? Pssh, if I can’t have all the billions I don’t want it anyway! The three victors hail from California, Florida, and Tennessee respectively. They each have chosen to remain anonymous for the time being (as in the writing of this sentence), but they should continue to keep it a secret for the rest of their lives. However, when someone drops a $200,000 tip at the local Waffle House then maybe questions will start to surface. They could actually probably just buy the chain diner for cheaper than that. Come to think of it, I could probably do so as well, I have about $1,000 saved.

These three claimants, when they choose to cash in, have the excruciating decision of taking the lump sum of $983.5 million split three ways or they can each take a multi-year annuity to receive the full $528.8 million they won. First world problems, people, and now three more have 1%-er problems.

The winning numbers were 08, 27, 34, 04, 19 and the Powerball was 10. My wife and I had three of those numbers scattered across six tickets. What is that worth? Can I have a share? Seriously, is a couple million two much to ask for? It is actually, and the jackpot is just too much money in general, but before the balls jumped around and were sucked out and revealed (that sounds inappropriate), all the believers and dreamers already had a plan of where their money would go. Here’s what I would do:

-My parents could finally stop working.
-My sister would no longer have student loans.
-My family and close friends would be taken care of.
-My future children would have accounts in their name, but can’t touch the money until they get their first job after college. Then, my kids’ kids and their kids’ kids would all be taken care of in a similar way.
-I would invest.
-I would save.
-I would start a non-profit, and my wife another for respective causes we deemed necessary to support.
-I would start an animal protection/environment non-profit in my friend’s name so he can shut up and stop pushing his annoying agenda and act on his plan to save the world.
-Then I would probably donate like 90% of it.

A couple of things: Thing first, I did not indicate that I would buy anything; thing second, how the hell could I give 90% of it away? I wouldn’t have anything for myself! Actually I would still have almost $53 million left which is still way too much money. However, I don’t know what goes into it all so I would talk to an attorney and a financial advisor and also take the multi-year annuity. What the hell is someone going to do with that lump sum if they took it all at once? It’s not like your mattress is that big to stuff it in. Or maybe you can buy a mattress that big!

Proceeds from purchased tickets already go towards certain things like education, and federal and state governments before and after (jerks). Wouldn’t it be nice (good Beach Boys’ song) if the government would have won? No, but I’m still interested in where you’re going with this. They could pay off .008% of our National Debt. Geez, that’s pathetic.

I believe Powerball should implement a rule where a certain amount of your winnings should be dedicated to charities. However, you just can’t tell people what to do? Who am I? The government? Well, I do have student loans, a mortgage, and a car payment. Ah, the American way: Debt. My wife observed how many people won’t donate their money under normal circumstances, but when there is a chance to better their lives they have this extra cash all of a sudden. We’re missing out on a lot of things here, and the money needs to land in the hands of people who will make good decisions with it. This is money that could change the world as well as one’s life. You don’t need this much money; 99.9% of the world will probably never reach that cumulative amount in their lifetime, even some countries won’t even accumulate that much. My advice, from one non-winner to the next, is to truly think about what the money could be used for if you made no life alterations after receiving the funds. It’s tough to not fantasize about things you want instead of realizing what others desperately need. It has taken me many potential jackpots, years and years to come to the above list (a couple paragraphs ago) for when I win. However, I’m starting to lose confidence.

So you’re telling me there’s a chance! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMRrNY0pxfM

Good luck!





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